I was talking to my girlfriend about the end of the world. She’s visiting family across the country and I’m in LA. She said, if the Mayan’s really were right, that we would each start driving across the country and meet in the middle and kiss just before the world ends…
And then it hit me.
We have it all wrong, this whole anti-sex, Armageddon thing. If the world was really going to end (it’s not- it’s a metawhore) then we would race across the country, meet in the middle, and have hot, passionate, wild, screaming, (the world is ending peeps, c’mon) sex with total abandon. And as the world was ending, we would be cumming.
Then we would realize that the anti-pleasure and sex crazies had it wrong. Armageddon is actually Aramaic word for Global Orgasm. That’s right! I’m schoolin’ you here.
So as we are orgasming, the world is orgasming too. And as she orgasms (the world) everybody in sync with the orgasmic pulse of the universe survives earth’s big O, and everything else that’s loose shakes off and ends up…
The rest of the people who survived because they had enough sense to experience their last moments in pleasure, are now free to repopulate the earth (or whatever the fuck positive and life affirming that we want to do). And Arizona is free to put up all those walls it’s so obsessed about – and they can just fuck each other!
So I say, to the Mayans: Let’s Bring it on!